Fucking damn it why do people have to go and do things that make you worry? I mean yeah I make people worry sometimes too, but come on there’s a limit. Why would she bike while hammered? Why? She messages me later talking about how she busted open her chin and hand and went to urgent care after wandering around the city lost for a while and I’m just sitting here…fuck. I worry so much about her, and this is just part of the reason. Only part of it.
how many times is it appropriate to say ‘what’ before you nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said
I DROPPED THE KETCHUP AND SCREAMED IN SHOCK AND THEN MY BROTHER CAME IN AND THOUGHT IT WAS BLOOD AND SCREAMED TOO AND WE WERE BOTH SCREAMING AT KETCHUP
summer is real cute until every fuckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell
i am reminded that english is a flawed language every time I am forced to use “that that” in a sentence
My dog looks like a fuzzy penis. That is all, bye.
i sat here laughing for like ten minutes
I almost had a heart attack last night while my husband and I were lying in bed reading and his entire body starts shaking. I’m all ARE YOU OK ARE YOU HAVING A SEIZURE ARE YOU CRYING WHATS HAPPENING
and then i realize he’s just laughing hysterically- so hard that he CANT MAKE NOISE
And I go: Are you thinking about that damn penis dog again?
him: *silent nodding while he claps like a retarded seal*